Hi Ladies – here is a list of things I learned with Mr. Charismatic at our immigration visa interview at the US Embassy in London on Monday. Meant to be read by David Letterman for his next top 10 list.
1o. You have to arrive early to wait in line even though you have a ticket/invitation letter.
9. There is a warm-up guy to get the audience laughing and relaxed before the main event. In my case the security guard made me declare my allegience to one of two state university rivals before he would let me go through security.
8. They tell you it is your turn by announcing your number via loudspeaker – after announcing thousands of others before you. By this point you are so excited that you flail and whoop as if they have just told you to “COME ON DOWN!”
7. Your interviewer bears an uncanny resemblance to Ann Robinson from weakest link – in looks and personallity. Charming.
6. When it is finally your turn you freeze with fear even though you know your expert topic so thoroughly.
5. Round 1 is the idiot’s round where they give you easy questions to make you really confident before they eliminate you with the first question in Round 2 and inform you that the Lifelines explained on your form (sush as Phone for Help) don’t actually exisit.
4. You start answering questions Jeopardy style: “Who is “Alien Nonimmigrant Resident Joint Sponsor Income Representative? Alex”
3. The suprise bonus round consists of the Super Secret Wheel of Visa decisions that the consular spins in her back office after hurling Ann Robinson inspired insults about your form filling out skills.
2. Losers get a special consolation prize of free tissues for the miserable coach ride home.
1. You finish your game with an inevitable round of “what would have happened if you had made different choices” ala Deal or No Deal. Both painful and pointless but an absolute requirement after you get your decision.