I am not flirting with you. I am just American.

Hello friendly coffee shop man, I’d like latte, please.

Yes, I’ll have a friendly chat with you.  It’s nice to shoot-the-shizzle while I’m waiting for my glorious latte.

Wait.

Waitwaitwait.  No, now you’re flirting with me.

Nono.

Crap.

When did ‘chat’ become ‘flirt’?  Now I have to cool off so you don’t think I’m flirting back.  I’ll put my wedding ring frosted hand on the counter for good measure.

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Does this happen to anyone else??  My friendly Americanness keeps backfiring and innocent chats turn into weird hot-potato situations where I start trying to throw people’s flirtation back at them without having to touch it.

Is it normal for British men to be romantically retarded?!

I had an email from an American reader in turmoil looking for advice about, you guessed it, her British man…  She’s long-distance with her Brit and they’re about to see each other again after 2 years of being apart.

While I DO have a prolific long distance relationship history, I HAVEN’T had a prolific dating history because I met Mr. Nice Guy when I was so young, so I’m going to open this one up on the floor.  Here’s her dilemma…

I tell him how I feel via letter. I told him that I was in love with him, that I wanted to be with him, would wait for him…etc etc all of that sappy stuff you hear in films and all…and it’s truly how I feel. When we were on Skype I asked him what he thought. And he just laughed “You know how I feel…I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?”

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

He’s always like that unless he’s got a bit of a drink in him–then he gets sweet and tells me he misses me, wishes I were there, blah blah… But what I want to know is

IS IT NORMAL FOR BRITISH MEN TO BE ROMANTICALLY RETARDED?!

When we were together the last time in person, he couldn’t get enough of me. So affectionate, loving, sweet…sure, I get a “You look lovely” every now and then…and a pet name here or there, but never anything worth writing home about. This relationship is not worth throwing away because I am not getting my share of sap, but is it normal for English men to be more withdrawn? I just hope that when we are together in person again it’s the same.

You girls are my only hope! What are your experiences?

I know every relationship is different, but if this was me and Mr. Nice Guy during our long distance extravaganza, it would have freaked me out.  Long distance is friggin’ hard enough even WITH constant reassurance from both sides.  My only piece of advice is to not be afraid to talk openly about it – talking is all you get with long distance, so go for it.  And be honest with yourself about how things are really going.  I’ve always loved Mr. Nice Guy like crazy, but I knew I had to keep an open mind that he might meet someone else and break it off – it’s one of the rubbishy truths about long distance.

But the good news is that it can also work really well :)

So, SNFY chicas… what do you think?

You’re still searching: British Men In Bed

Hi there Readers,

There’s something us three gals have been meaning to talk you about. We’re loving our chats. You make us laugh, you make us think, and you ask the best questions! But there is a bit of an elephant in the room isn’t there?

I mean, there is something you still want to know. Don’t be shy. We know you’ve been searching for it, ’cause we see it in our Google analytic stats:

British men in bed.

There. I said it.

In fact, we did actually mention this once before.  But we’re not really experts in the topic. You know, monogamy and all…

So we kinda need your help here. Otherwise we may have to resort to posting links to ridiculous Daily Mail surveys ranking men in bed by nationality. Desperate indeed.

So…. who wants to go first?

Oh, and thanks in advance for keeping it classy when it comes to comments. You’re the best.

PS. I’m still the same PacificYorkshireBird, I just fancied a new picture. Hope you don’t mind.

One European man (now in hiding) says that American women are “unbelievably EASY”

yahooavatar15Well, we all know by now that our American accent has the ability to charm many a British man. One British bloke in a cringe- central pickup line hooted “Why, your voice is  all the glamour of  Hollywood coming off of some sweet lil lips, love!”.  Yes, our sexy accent aside, American women are also known to be  independent. Loud. Outspoken. Brash. Nosy. Noisy. In-your-face. But come on… now the claim has been made that we’re “EASY” as well!? Check out this hilarious tongue in cheek article.

Now, then! I would like to take the opportunity to counterattack this claim  as your (unappointed)  ‘She’s Not from Yorkshire’ American representative and offer another viewpoint: I wonder if European men would know that maybe, just maybe—wait, a lot maybe, we are using them just as much as they are using us? I mean come on, we want to have the  “full European experience”, you know?

I, fellow readers will confess that I only dated many a French, German, Macedonian, Norwegian just to experience the thrill of being with a man from oh lala  “Europe”. Looking back I think that behaviour was partly inspired by  the infamous character ‘Isadora Wing’.  Did I ever expect that these little affairs would last when I got back to my American life? Nah, of course not!

I would like to say to European men that we relish the great Italian coffee and your exquisite wine from a carafe.  That quaint Moroccan cafe you showed us for dinner ran by your cousin Leemo. The  stroll by the city river while you whisper unintelligible things in French/Italian/Greek/German that you claim is  your favourite Goethe poem. But, we know its all part of your game. And we wouldn’t expect anything less! I mean, come on, what a great adventure to write in our diaries and tell our friends back home!

And just for the record, at the end of the affair (when the special crepe recipe you showed us was just not enough anymore) us American gals are not begging our European flings to put in a good word for us at the immigration offices!  Note to Mr. European Vespalovah, I can NOT get you a greencard so you can come live with your cousin in NYC for goodness sake…

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How being a Shamerican in Britain makes you an accidental sexbomb ? Click here

Dating a British man–perhaps lacking in romance, but at least still buying you that raunchy lingerie…

yahooavatar15Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Oh, but we did, darlings, we did! Perhaps your British man will only order kinky lingerie for you over the internet, didn’t go bonkers for you on Valentine’s Day, and rarely writes you sappy poems or a song… and its not just us 3 Shes not From Yorkshire lasses that have noticed. Its just that some British blokes (the ones with a stiff upper lip, I think) might not be as cuddly wuddly and over the top as you hoped (well, when compared to your last American lovah). It is just the way it could be for you here in Brittania. What? You thought all English men were like Mr. Darcy and Hugh Grant? Ummm…..

It seems that British men might not be as romantic as you want them to be says a new study. As an American women who is used to a different style of wooing, this could come as a shocker for an uninformed new woman abroad not- in-the-know.  British romance from those silly movies you’ve seen? Sorry, honey. This little fact is one that you might discover as an American women coming to the UK. Roughly, it is in the same category that a) attempting sex at an English B&B is debatable b)you really should descale your tea-kettle every so often, c ) you could think that English radio is a dictatorship, and d) that public toilets in England will generally have no loo roll.

The Times just published a little blurb about British men and their um… deficiencies last month (19/7/09):

British men are among the least romantic in the world. In a study of 6,500 men and women from across the world, psychologist Richard Weisman found that British men were 10% less likely to make romantic gestures then men from other countries. Only 32% of Brit men have written a song or poem for their loved one, compared with 41% of non-British men, and only 44% had taken their other halves on a surprise holiday compared with 51% elsewhere. The study also found that British men mistakenly  believe that buying sexy lingerie is the key to a woman’s heart, when what really want are little gestures and a cup of tea in bed. (I say Oh the ecstasy!!! The rapture!!)

But wait! Before you despair over the lack of recieving impromptu holidays to Torremelinos and Lindt semi-dark, take heart as this seems to be the average British male behaviour.

ps. Funnily enough, the most romantic British man I’ve come across would be Mr. Chavtastic.

How do the British celebrate Valentine’s Day? Very Quietly.

yahooavatar15Valentine’s Day in England. What could be done to celebrate and cheer up the atmosphere? Tonight at ASDA I was looking for some of those small Valentine’s Day Cards to give out to the kids I teach. An unidentified English informant said “OH NO. You cant do that. They are only for lovers. Child Safety will be all over you if you give kids Valentines!”

I typed into Google… “How do the British celebrate Valentine’s Day?”.

What came up first? Nudists can celebrate Valentine’s Day nude in pub

It didn’t take me too long to realize that a lack of definitive findings about what anyone in Britain really does on Valentine’s day seems to say that Brits celebrate it more quietly than America.

Well, unless you were alive sometime ago. According to this a website I found, in Great Britain on Valentine’s Day Eve, women used to pin four bay leaves to the corners of their pillow and eat eggs with salt replacing the removed yokes. They believed they would then dream of their future husbands.

Ok, that’s like, not what women do here anymore,  so where can I find out some more info?

So I decided to go right to the source: Mr. Chill, my English boyfriend. An interview:

Tell our readers a bit about you before we begin.

I am a Cumbrian in my late thirties, drive a Honda Civic and support Everton FC. I enjoy a fine single-malt whiskey on the night time.

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

I do now having had my eyes widened and opened by an American lady who celebrates EVERYTHING! I think that Valentine’s day is something that Brits reluctantly do , something that HAS to be done as opposed to something that British men feel fantastic and wonderful about. In fact this is how Valentine’s day IS  in Britain, we just don’t do big heart-felt speeches like you Americans do. British people are so reserved and held back that it is an understated event. People keep most of what they feel hidden deep down and then let 10% go free for Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day gifts sold online in the UK are HUGE.

Why?

Because British people feel strange going out and buying gifts– and if they are seen at Tesco’s it is embarrassing. You will see everyone looking left and right at the cards to see if anyone is looking at them. They want to get in and out FAST.

Does this mean my gift will be bought online?

That’s for me to know and you to wonder.

Anything else you want to tell people about Valentine’s Day in Britain?

That’s it. Oh and that everyone breathes a sigh of relief once the 15th arrives.

(So there you have it folks, words  straight from a British man– and of course, Happy Valentine’s Day!!)

How to fall in love with an English man – part 3

First of all – Happy 2009 to our readers!

avt_kapyork_large115Last year, Mr. Charismatic and I enjoyed a year of travel We have been debating what kind of year 2009 will be – yesterday we settled on a Year of Romance! Let me tell you why…

But first, it might be handy to read Parts 1 and 2 of How to Fall in Love with an English Man.

Six years after that chance meeting in Part 1- we are getting married! I know you might be out there thinking “6 years! What a long time to decide to get married!” When we met, I would have said that I could never manage to wait six years. That’s not to say we weren’t committed to the relationship but things all take a bit more time when you are in an international relationship.

After we met we sent emails and made phone calls for 8 months before Mr. Charismatic came back to the US. In fact we had many periods of long distance romance over the 3 years that he hopped back and forth with temporary working visas to the US. Next, came my decision to study in Britain for a year. That led to temporary employment which has been extended several times and is the way that I have managed to stay until we were eligible to be “unmarried partners” in the eyes of the UK government. We got engaged last May and are planning our wedding for June. :)

We’ve had plenty of romance over the years. But this year, we are taking that step to put our relationship first. 2009 will be our year to say out loud that immigration is no longer going to rule us!

Well, there is that small matter of getting his visa to the US – that’s right we have decided to make the move back to the US! This is for many reasons and is far more about wanting to be there than wanting to leave the UK. In fact I have mixed feelings about leaving the UK because I have enjoyed my time here. But it just seems like the right time to have a go in the US.

Not to worry though, I’ll be around for several more months. And I’d like to continue blogging from the perspective of bringing my English man to the US with me.