When your American-self imagines breeding some British children

Posted on November 3, 2009 by peacefulyorkshire



I am not  hoping to get knocked up my English boyfriend. But! I can vouch that when you are a lay-deh approaching the big 3-0- your mind just starts thinking about kids, biological clocks, your eggs disappearing….I know, I know before you think this post is ‘cliche-arama’,  hang on: It is different when the ‘eggs and time ticking’ happens when you are living as an American woman in England. Doesn’t the thought of having your own kids in a foreign country make you think about things differently?

For instance. Somehow in my ‘happy family fantasies’, my offspring all speak American(well, like me!): Hey therrrr Mom, can I have som’more them Nabisco Waaaaayferrrs? My good-natured-well-rounded-children would do happy things like celebrate the 4th of July while they squirt lines of E-Z cheese on their Oscar Mayer wiener*.

But if I imagine having kids here in the UK,  I start to feel uncomfortable at the thought. What would it be like to have kids that speak in a British Accent? (Oh Motha dear, could I trouble you foh some of that lurvely Ribeeena?). As if! In my fantasy they wouldn’t sound like that- I have them down sounding more like da Ali G.

The ‘what-ifs’ eat away at my brain. I freak out that they would have to grow up in a council estate because we couldn’t get on the UK property ladder anywhere else.There my British children would become little chavsters and enjoy burning out wheelie bins. I wouldn’t able to send them to a public school on my meagre income and all the good state schools would be oversubscribed so their brains might rot. I would worry they would have sex at age 11 and drink Thunderbird mixers in secret alley ways (you know, the ones with the orange lights!). My family in America couldn’t help raise them because they are too far away. Gollee, my unborn British children really freak me out right about now. Bring on that free NHS contraception.

Yankeebean’s post that midly freaked me out enough to inspired this one…. Click here

*that would be a hot dog and not the dodgy UK defintion of ‘wiener’ just to clear up any confusion as it would confuse the meaning of this post somewhat.

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What Others Are Saying

  1. Christiana (Us meets Uk) November 10, 2009 at 3:48 am

    Haahah, your American accent typing sounds exactly like my British husband’s attempt at an American accent. I have the exact same fears as you, with no solution. One more bonus for you possibly British children? GMO and allergy labeling and no e numbers in foods. :)

  2. peacefulyorkshire November 6, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    Ps. Rachel. yes you are correct, Yankeebean blogged about it ages ago. ‘Charlie Bit Me’ is one of my ultimate un-favourite videos. I simply find it annoying. I know. Just call me a stick in the mud!

  3. peacefulyorkshire November 6, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    Dear Moms of kids from two countries,
    You give me hope that it will all be ok and I love your individual stories.
    I can’t deny though that making a living and a ‘good life’ here in the UK is much harder. The cost of living is so high hence making all my above fears seem forthcoming on my salary!

  4. Expat Mum November 6, 2009 at 12:10 am

    The kids next door to my mother in England knock at the door when we’re there and ask if the American kids can come out to play. I always have to remind myself that they’re referring to my kids, who were all born and bred in the States. They all also had a bit of an English accent till they were about 5 (much posher than me funnily enough), then it went all weird for a while until they switched over to American. Just as long as they don’t start with the broad Chicago nasal twang though!

  5. Debbie November 4, 2009 at 9:00 pm

    My poor kids have lived in both countries now and seem to use a mixture of American accent and English accent. Don’t worry about it.. your children can be from both countries equally as long as you teach them about both. It doesn’t matter where you live.

  6. Rachel November 4, 2009 at 6:46 am

    Wasn’t it on your site I originally saw the “Charlie bit my finger” video? I’d give anything to have a cute little guy like that. He’s adorable!

  7. Almost American November 3, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    As Dyana said, it’s scary wherever you are . . .

    I have finally stopped being surprised that my two (now ages 6 and 10) speak American. DD did quite amazingly switch to speaking English on our last visit to the UK – but not my northern English, oh no – she sounded like her London born and bred cousins!

  8. Dyana November 3, 2009 at 11:21 am

    i can confirm that at the ripe old age of 31 not all of us are getting broody. implanon woo!

    but otherwise, what’s to say any child you would have, say where i grew up, wouldn’t be down by the tracks drinking so-co and coke, pure grain, and smoking pot at 11, never mind the age of having sex, and even less likelyhood of knowing anything about safe sex.

    i think it’ll be scary no matter where you are

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