Dating a British man–perhaps lacking in romance, but at least still buying you that raunchy lingerie…

Posted on August 20, 2009 by peacefulyorkshire

yahooavatar15Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Oh, but we did, darlings, we did! Perhaps your British man will only order kinky lingerie for you over the internet, didn’t go bonkers for you on Valentine’s Day, and rarely writes you sappy poems or a song… and its not just us 3 Shes not From Yorkshire lasses that have noticed. Its just that some British blokes (the ones with a stiff upper lip, I think) might not be as cuddly wuddly and over the top as you hoped (well, when compared to your last American lovah). It is just the way it could be for you here in Brittania. What? You thought all English men were like Mr. Darcy and Hugh Grant? Ummm…..

It seems that British men might not be as romantic as you want them to be says a new study. As an American women who is used to a different style of wooing, this could come as a shocker for an uninformed new woman abroad not- in-the-know.  British romance from those silly movies you’ve seen? Sorry, honey. This little fact is one that you might discover as an American women coming to the UK. Roughly, it is in the same category that a) attempting sex at an English B&B is debatable b)you really should descale your tea-kettle every so often, c ) you could think that English radio is a dictatorship, and d) that public toilets in England will generally have no loo roll.

The Times just published a little blurb about British men and their um… deficiencies last month (19/7/09):

British men are among the least romantic in the world. In a study of 6,500 men and women from across the world, psychologist Richard Weisman found that British men were 10% less likely to make romantic gestures then men from other countries. Only 32% of Brit men have written a song or poem for their loved one, compared with 41% of non-British men, and only 44% had taken their other halves on a surprise holiday compared with 51% elsewhere. The study also found that British men mistakenly  believe that buying sexy lingerie is the key to a woman’s heart, when what really want are little gestures and a cup of tea in bed. (I say Oh the ecstasy!!! The rapture!!)

But wait! Before you despair over the lack of recieving impromptu holidays to Torremelinos and Lindt semi-dark, take heart as this seems to be the average British male behaviour.

ps. Funnily enough, the most romantic British man I’ve come across would be Mr. Chavtastic.

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What Others Are Saying

  1. Sandy15336 July 14, 2011 at 1:13 am

    I’ve been seeing my 1st brit man for 6  mos.  Not very romantic, affection is limited.. he doesn’t show alot of it., as time has gone by it seems to be improving. Doesn’t say, “I love you”.  He talks about us living together and I have a key to his apt. I assume this is aaffectionate behavior for him.  I was supprised to get the key, and not sure if it is his way of showing me he cares, without words.
    Once he told me he loved me and needed me. He had been drinking and I don’t know if I should believe it or not because after all “he was drinking”. Isn’t that what people say when they’ve said something that wasn’t ment ( I was drinking)?
      He is divorced and I wonder if this has something to do with the way he acts. 

    • truefaith89 December 14, 2012 at 8:27 am

      i feel you… :( been with a brit man too, but i love him and still holding his words cos that’s what he wanted me to do.. its so seldom for him to show love. its like today too sweet, tomorrow too cold… yet he says he loves me sooo… aarrrghh!!

  2. Yorkshire Yank April 21, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I agree with Dyana. I could not care less about sappy poems and Valentine’s day cards. What I get from my British husband is someone I can cuddle with when I am happy and when I am upset, someone who I can talk to and discuss my problems with, someone I can laugh with.

    To me, that is romance.

    It has been my experience that men who overwhelm their girlfriends with superficial “romantic” things tend be compensating for the inability to form respectful, mature, lasting relationships.

    Do you really think you are going to be getting sappy poems 7 years from now?

    My husband shows me he loves me when he helps with the washing up.

  3. lurvan April 20, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Being dating a british man for 9mnths now,doesn’t say he loves me except I ask,,we r in a distance relationship,he doesn’t call or mail except I do,but he responds to all ,was confused until I read some of d responses on dis page,am black and frm africa,I think british men are too uptight

  4. Pingback: This is a not so subtle hint to all the gorgeous British men for Valentines Day… | She's Not From Yorkshire

  5. Camie September 27, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    My husband is English right down to his PG Tips, but he is extremely romantic.

  6. Lea Elizabeth September 21, 2010 at 2:04 am

    My British guy is definitely not romantic in the American sense…romance to him is more of the little things, which to me, mean a lot more than flowers and candy, and surprise vacations and the like so it works well! I am wondering though…my guy doesn’t say “I love you” very often is this a British thing?

  7. Single Mommy Makin It June 20, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Ok – so I’m a Brit living in LA and I’ve just started dating American Men. O my o my. Such a difference from Brit dudes! Lucky ole me! I’m being wined and dined and treated impeccably!

  8. Remoni May 25, 2010 at 12:42 am

    I’ve only been with my British bf for a few months but he is so adorably affectionate. More so than my past two American bfs.

  9. Christina May 10, 2010 at 9:29 pm

    I guess I have to strongly disagree with loverboy and with some of the girls here. My Englishman is absolutely fantastic: we have a long-distance relationship, but he does everything he can to keep us close: when we see each other, he prepares breakfast, makes tea, buys me red roses that are my favorite! He cuddles, kisses, hugs…he is absolutely marvelous. He is soft spoken and we talk a lot about everything. He is reserved, but when he is with me…he just follows my temper.

    Maybe, the fact that I am latina that he is like that? I do not know, but he absolutely loves it.

    So ladies…maybe you have a part on that! If you are really romantic and want proof of it let yourself go. Take him to dinner, buy him something nice, show you care. Don’t wait for him to do the first thing and don’t expect a huge rock diamond as a proof of love. They are not as materialistic as we are in America. They value the gesture more than the price of things. They are not like American guys. I am sure he will respond.

    • yankeebean May 11, 2010 at 1:35 pm

      Amen to that, Christina! Mr Nice Guy is the sweetest man I’ve ever met. Caring-with-a-capital-C :)

  10. Elizabeth Gernon October 27, 2009 at 3:21 am

    I live in the USA, I would like to meet or get to know a British man living currently in the UK (Britain or Ireland) to be exact.

    Thank you,
    Elizabeth Gernon

    • peacefulyorkshire October 27, 2009 at 3:35 pm

      Hi Elizabeth,
      oh dear, you and everyone else hehe…It seems many American ladies want to date English men! In fact Yankeebean just posted about that recently…

      An English man looking for a woman: If only I could put him on Ebay

      Maybe some of our lovely readers have some suggestions to get you meetin’ one… have you tried coming to the UK? That is always a start…. ;)

  11. pacificyorkshirebird September 21, 2009 at 7:27 pm

    Hiya Peaceful! I just have to tell you how nice Mr. Chill’s response to the romantic things British men might do even though they don’t get acknowledged as overtly “romantic”. It made me smile. He’s such a good’n. :)

  12. LoverBoy September 19, 2009 at 7:24 am

    They dont behave that way because English women generally would find a lot of ‘American’ romance patronizing and sappy. Frankly I agree with them I want to throw up after reading about three sappy greeting cards. American women seem to like stupid, cheesy romance. English woman demand sincere gestures or will voice their displeasure and reject the overture on some level. So probably a lot of English men dont show any romance because they’re nervous it wont be well received well. So they give up. Also theres a stronger ‘lad’ culture there and romance is seen as a weakness in many circles.

    For the bold male romancer however who isnt afraid of making overtures English women are extremely receptive to romance. They really appreciate sincere romance actually. Much more than American women who romance doesnt seem to touch on any deep level. Its kind of expected constantly.

    • peacefulyorkshire September 21, 2009 at 5:26 pm

      Hi LoverBoy,
      I am sure British women everywhere when reading your above comment must be very pleased at having a male like yourself claim to know exactly what British women need and want. Oh yes you must have the ladies flocking in absolute abundance.
      I am afraid I have to say that your claims about American woman might be a little misguided. What constitutes in your opinion “stupid, cheesy romance” as you so eloquently wrote? Do tell!

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  14. peacefulyorkshire August 28, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    I went ahead and quizzed my British boyfriend Mr. Chill after reading your first comment Frisky Turtle. Welcome to our blog! Anyway, Mr. Chill relayed that British men are just not brought up to be romantic in the “traditional sense”. But, he thinks that a British man’s idea of romance is not acknowledged in other parts of the world either which is why Brit boys could get such a bad reputation. I then asked “like what romantic things, honey?”.

    He said “like things related to the climate, like cozy nights in when its pissing down rain. Sitting together in the morning and reading The Sunday Times is romantic. One British quality is that I will always be on your side, which is always a romantic thing. As much as those Italians will want to stay out all night and paint the town red. But for me getting home early to slink off together is more my style. A British man will not seduce you with romance when he doesn’t mean it, but when he does show you he loves you it will run a long time and it will run deep. ” (awwwww…….)

    So there you have one opinion folks, straight outta one Brit blokes mouth…..;)

  15. FriskyTurtle August 27, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    I know “that look”, too! We’ve affectionately coined it the “Happy Head Bob”. He literally gets smiley/puppy-dog-eyed to the point that his head just does this little bob. It’s like he’s trying to hold back and the happy is just building up inside causing a case of the shakes. Sounds weird, I know. But gosh darnit, if it isn’t just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen! I just want to eat him up with a spoon, sometimes. *sigh*

    And, OHY (oh hells yeah), I’ll be returning to your blog. Gotta thank the Savage Love reader for the tip. You gals are doing a fab job!

  16. FriskyTurtle August 27, 2009 at 2:35 am

    My husband agreed with the results in this study but said it could possibly be relegated to “Northerners” (he should know as he is one). Yes, a cup of tea in bed would be second in romantic gestures only to giving you back the change on a tenner for drinks. Did I say that out loud? I’m kidding!

    I’m lucky that my husband is the mix tape/paint a picture of my dog type of romantic in addition to tea in bed – so sweet!! As far as physically romantic? He’s way more reserved than I. Good thing I have NO problems with jumping on him indiscriminately for PDA. The poor bastard.

    • yankeebean August 27, 2009 at 8:02 am

      FriskyTurtle – LOL! Sometimes, when I’m buzzing around my guy or climbing all over him or hanging on him or any other kind of PDA goodness, he gets this great look on his face.

      It’s like he’s enjoying the attention from his lady-friend, but his built-in reserve feels threatened. He gets this fantastic conflicted look on his face that’s pretty much the best thing I’ve ever seen :)

      Come back again, FT! You’re hilarious!

  17. cinda August 23, 2009 at 1:34 am

    Wonder what age group they surveyed. For me as I have gotten older it is the small stuff that is romantic. My english beau has a romantic side but it’s very private and I appreciate that. Although when I got over there for my first visit to Britain and we went to the Centre(Mall) he escorted me into the lingerie shop…lol

  18. Dyana August 22, 2009 at 6:26 pm

    :) can’t say I’ve ever experienced the existance of the “stiff upper lip” or aloofness that is so often talked about. My friends here are all quite happy to talk about themselves, I have to say I’ve met more good friends here than I ever had in the US.

    I think it’s all subjective. I’m not from a very boisterous area of the US, I don’t expect nor do I ever want someone to spring things on me like trips or cars (oh my god, I’d spend the entire time worrying about how much it cost), and bad poetry is just so much bad poetry to me.

    I’ve asked my partner about it becuase the talk about the Britsh reserve always confused me after I moved here. He thinks of it as a stereotype with not much of a basis in reality outside of the big cities (however, can anyone say NYC is considered the friendly city?). I’ve had conversations with strangers at the bus stop, in queue for the post office, on the metro, on the train. About the only times I wonder a bit about people’s reactions is when I fall over (and I tend to fall over a lot, I’m clumsy that way) I want people to smile and make sure I’m okay and then laugh with me. The people I’ve taken a digger in front of have generally avoided me, like they want to avoid me feeling the emabarrasment of people seeing me fall. That’s nice in its way, and perfectly understandable, but hey, I know they saw me! And I’m normally laughing at myself over it any way. I miss the little smile and eye contact I would get in the US, but hey, the only time I really needed someone to stop and help, they did (I skidded out on my bicycle in front of their car), can’t ask for more than that.

  19. Meagan Lopez August 22, 2009 at 4:14 pm

    Yes, and my boyfriend is always quick to remind me that his romance lies in the little things – the making of the tea everyday, the wiping the squid marks from the toilet, the slapping my ass as I walk by, and the cuddling in front of the television. He is definitely the most cuddly man I have ever been with.
    And, I finally got my first bunch of flowers after a year and a half!! It’s nothing a lot of hinting won’t cure – this lack of romance, that is!

  20. peacefulyorkshire August 21, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    Hi there Dyana,
    Of course he is cuddly. He must not have the upper lip problem. ;) Seriously, I agree with you about the Romance thing. It depends on how you look at what defines “romance”, right? Americans have been known for being over the top in most things, so comparatively the style of a British man’s romancing could put a kink in an American woman’s confidence if she is expecting huge gestures…

    on another note–I have been thinking about this survey today and it occurred to me that the study didn’t include gay men. Surely the survey should have extended to them as well? It was very heterosexually sided. Hmm… food for thought.

  21. Dyana August 21, 2009 at 11:48 am

    oh my lol

    perhaps it says a lot about my dating history but my partner (who’s British) is the most cuddly, caring, romantic person i’ve ever dated.

    i don’t consider surprise holidays, songs and poems tp be romantic though, so maybe that’s the problem. romantic is talking about anything and working hard at your relationship, sharing life together, having those lifetime experiences together, encouaging each other and hanging on when life gets tough. to me, that’s romantic!!

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