Dating a British man–perhaps lacking in romance, but at least still buying you that raunchy lingerie…
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Don’t say we didn’t warn you. Oh, but we did, darlings, we did! Perhaps your British man will only order kinky lingerie for you over the internet, didn’t go bonkers for you on Valentine’s Day, and rarely writes you sappy poems or a song… and its not just us 3 Shes not From Yorkshire lasses that have noticed. Its just that some British blokes (the ones with a stiff upper lip, I think) might not be as cuddly wuddly and over the top as you hoped (well, when compared to your last American lovah). It is just the way it could be for you here in Brittania. What? You thought all English men were like Mr. Darcy and Hugh Grant? Ummm…..
It seems that British men might not be as romantic as you want them to be says a new study. As an American women who is used to a different style of wooing, this could come as a shocker for an uninformed new woman abroad not- in-the-know. British romance from those silly movies you’ve seen? Sorry, honey. This little fact is one that you might discover as an American women coming to the UK. Roughly, it is in the same category that a) attempting sex at an English B&B is debatable b)you really should descale your tea-kettle every so often, c ) you could think that English radio is a dictatorship, and d) that public toilets in England will generally have no loo roll.
The Times just published a little blurb about British men and their um… deficiencies last month (19/7/09):
British men are among the least romantic in the world. In a study of 6,500 men and women from across the world, psychologist Richard Weisman found that British men were 10% less likely to make romantic gestures then men from other countries. Only 32% of Brit men have written a song or poem for their loved one, compared with 41% of non-British men, and only 44% had taken their other halves on a surprise holiday compared with 51% elsewhere. The study also found that British men mistakenly believe that buying sexy lingerie is the key to a woman’s heart, when what really want are little gestures and a cup of tea in bed. (I say Oh the ecstasy!!! The rapture!!)
But wait! Before you despair over the lack of recieving impromptu holidays to Torremelinos and Lindt semi-dark, take heart as this seems to be the average British male behaviour.
ps. Funnily enough, the most romantic British man I’ve come across would be Mr. Chavtastic.
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oh my lol
perhaps it says a lot about my dating history but my partner (who’s British) is the most cuddly, caring, romantic person i’ve ever dated.
i don’t consider surprise holidays, songs and poems tp be romantic though, so maybe that’s the problem. romantic is talking about anything and working hard at your relationship, sharing life together, having those lifetime experiences together, encouaging each other and hanging on when life gets tough. to me, that’s romantic!!
Hi there Dyana,
Seriously, I agree with you about the Romance thing. It depends on how you look at what defines “romance”, right? Americans have been known for being over the top in most things, so comparatively the style of a British man’s romancing could put a kink in an American woman’s confidence if she is expecting huge gestures…
Of course he is cuddly. He must not have the upper lip problem.
on another note–I have been thinking about this survey today and it occurred to me that the study didn’t include gay men. Surely the survey should have extended to them as well? It was very heterosexually sided. Hmm… food for thought.
Yes, and my boyfriend is always quick to remind me that his romance lies in the little things – the making of the tea everyday, the wiping the squid marks from the toilet, the slapping my ass as I walk by, and the cuddling in front of the television. He is definitely the most cuddly man I have ever been with.
And, I finally got my first bunch of flowers after a year and a half!! It’s nothing a lot of hinting won’t cure – this lack of romance, that is!
I think it’s all subjective. I’m not from a very boisterous area of the US, I don’t expect nor do I ever want someone to spring things on me like trips or cars (oh my god, I’d spend the entire time worrying about how much it cost), and bad poetry is just so much bad poetry to me.
I’ve asked my partner about it becuase the talk about the Britsh reserve always confused me after I moved here. He thinks of it as a stereotype with not much of a basis in reality outside of the big cities (however, can anyone say NYC is considered the friendly city?). I’ve had conversations with strangers at the bus stop, in queue for the post office, on the metro, on the train. About the only times I wonder a bit about people’s reactions is when I fall over (and I tend to fall over a lot, I’m clumsy that way) I want people to smile and make sure I’m okay and then laugh with me. The people I’ve taken a digger in front of have generally avoided me, like they want to avoid me feeling the emabarrasment of people seeing me fall. That’s nice in its way, and perfectly understandable, but hey, I know they saw me! And I’m normally laughing at myself over it any way. I miss the little smile and eye contact I would get in the US, but hey, the only time I really needed someone to stop and help, they did (I skidded out on my bicycle in front of their car), can’t ask for more than that.
Wonder what age group they surveyed. For me as I have gotten older it is the small stuff that is romantic. My english beau has a romantic side but it’s very private and I appreciate that. Although when I got over there for my first visit to Britain and we went to the Centre(Mall) he escorted me into the lingerie shop…lol
My husband agreed with the results in this study but said it could possibly be relegated to “Northerners” (he should know as he is one). Yes, a cup of tea in bed would be second in romantic gestures only to giving you back the change on a tenner for drinks. Did I say that out loud? I’m kidding!
I’m lucky that my husband is the mix tape/paint a picture of my dog type of romantic in addition to tea in bed – so sweet!! As far as physically romantic? He’s way more reserved than I. Good thing I have NO problems with jumping on him indiscriminately for PDA. The poor bastard.
FriskyTurtle – LOL! Sometimes, when I’m buzzing around my guy or climbing all over him or hanging on him or any other kind of PDA goodness, he gets this great look on his face.
It’s like he’s enjoying the attention from his lady-friend, but his built-in reserve feels threatened. He gets this fantastic conflicted look on his face that’s pretty much the best thing I’ve ever seen
Come back again, FT! You’re hilarious!
I know “that look”, too! We’ve affectionately coined it the “Happy Head Bob”. He literally gets smiley/puppy-dog-eyed to the point that his head just does this little bob. It’s like he’s trying to hold back and the happy is just building up inside causing a case of the shakes. Sounds weird, I know. But gosh darnit, if it isn’t just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen! I just want to eat him up with a spoon, sometimes. *sigh*
And, OHY (oh hells yeah), I’ll be returning to your blog. Gotta thank the Savage Love reader for the tip. You gals are doing a fab job!
I went ahead and quizzed my British boyfriend Mr. Chill after reading your first comment Frisky Turtle. Welcome to our blog! Anyway, Mr. Chill relayed that British men are just not brought up to be romantic in the “traditional sense”. But, he thinks that a British man’s idea of romance is not acknowledged in other parts of the world either which is why Brit boys could get such a bad reputation. I then asked “like what romantic things, honey?”.
He said “like things related to the climate, like cozy nights in when its pissing down rain. Sitting together in the morning and reading The Sunday Times is romantic. One British quality is that I will always be on your side, which is always a romantic thing. As much as those Italians will want to stay out all night and paint the town red. But for me getting home early to slink off together is more my style. A British man will not seduce you with romance when he doesn’t mean it, but when he does show you he loves you it will run a long time and it will run deep. ” (awwwww…….)
So there you have one opinion folks, straight outta one Brit blokes mouth…..;)
They dont behave that way because English women generally would find a lot of ‘American’ romance patronizing and sappy. Frankly I agree with them I want to throw up after reading about three sappy greeting cards. American women seem to like stupid, cheesy romance. English woman demand sincere gestures or will voice their displeasure and reject the overture on some level. So probably a lot of English men dont show any romance because they’re nervous it wont be well received well. So they give up. Also theres a stronger ‘lad’ culture there and romance is seen as a weakness in many circles.
For the bold male romancer however who isnt afraid of making overtures English women are extremely receptive to romance. They really appreciate sincere romance actually. Much more than American women who romance doesnt seem to touch on any deep level. Its kind of expected constantly.
Hi LoverBoy,
I am sure British women everywhere when reading your above comment must be very pleased at having a male like yourself claim to know exactly what British women need and want. Oh yes you must have the ladies flocking in absolute abundance.
I am afraid I have to say that your claims about American woman might be a little misguided. What constitutes in your opinion “stupid, cheesy romance” as you so eloquently wrote? Do tell!
Hiya Peaceful! I just have to tell you how nice Mr. Chill’s response to the romantic things British men might do even though they don’t get acknowledged as overtly “romantic”. It made me smile. He’s such a good’n.
I live in the USA, I would like to meet or get to know a British man living currently in the UK (Britain or Ireland) to be exact.
Thank you,
Elizabeth Gernon
Hi Elizabeth,
oh dear, you and everyone else hehe…It seems many American ladies want to date English men! In fact Yankeebean just posted about that recently…
An English man looking for a woman: If only I could put him on Ebay
Maybe some of our lovely readers have some suggestions to get you meetin’ one… have you tried coming to the UK? That is always a start….
I guess I have to strongly disagree with loverboy and with some of the girls here. My Englishman is absolutely fantastic: we have a long-distance relationship, but he does everything he can to keep us close: when we see each other, he prepares breakfast, makes tea, buys me red roses that are my favorite! He cuddles, kisses, hugs…he is absolutely marvelous. He is soft spoken and we talk a lot about everything. He is reserved, but when he is with me…he just follows my temper.
Maybe, the fact that I am latina that he is like that? I do not know, but he absolutely loves it.
So ladies…maybe you have a part on that! If you are really romantic and want proof of it let yourself go. Take him to dinner, buy him something nice, show you care. Don’t wait for him to do the first thing and don’t expect a huge rock diamond as a proof of love. They are not as materialistic as we are in America. They value the gesture more than the price of things. They are not like American guys. I am sure he will respond.
Amen to that, Christina! Mr Nice Guy is the sweetest man I’ve ever met. Caring-with-a-capital-C
I’ve only been with my British bf for a few months but he is so adorably affectionate. More so than my past two American bfs.
Cool blog you have, the posts here are very useful. Thank you!
Ok – so I’m a Brit living in LA and I’ve just started dating American Men. O my o my. Such a difference from Brit dudes! Lucky ole me! I’m being wined and dined and treated impeccably!