Your negativity is eating my brain… stop it, I NEED my brain

Posted on May 28, 2009 by yankeebean

yankeebeanRecently we had another cracking comment from one of my fave readers, ‘I Love This Blog’ (don’t worry ILTB, you’re not the one eating my brain, more on that later).  On our post ‘My English man and our long distance relationship‘ She said:

I was just wondering how your loved ones reacted to your moving overseas for love? Not that it’s really affecting my decisions, but most, nay-ALL, of my closest friends are 100% against the idea and think I will either have my heart broken or be sorely disappointed.. The only ones who support my decision are the ones who are completely right-brained, completely romantic, and have no grasp of common sense or logic (so, it’s a little disheartening..)

How did you do it? Did you find a job first, or did you just up and move? I’m a little nervous!

So many memories (good/bad/ugly) flooded in when I read this comment.  When it came to hopping-the-pond for love, my heart and my head were pretty much always in agreement.  It was my FRIENDS of all freakin’ things that made me wanna panic, unpack, and apply to work in the nearest global food chain.

There was no shortage of negativity – it came pelting in from all angles.  Even my best friend showed her disapproval just by keeping her mouth shut about it (y’know, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say’, yada yada yada).  Sometimes I felt like their negative monologues were actually burrowing into my brain… gross… too much information.

Negativity isn’t exactly what you NEED when you’re about to cram all of your belongings into two giant suitcases, say good-bye to your parents, hurtle through the air in a giant metal tube (I hate flying…), and stumble, bleary and unkempt, into the wonderful arms of ‘the reason for all this’.

I really de-railed a couple of times pre-move when my friends would launch in to a ‘This is never going to work and when it all comes crashing down you’ll be alone and penniless in a foreign country’ speeches.  SHUT UP, for God’s sake!!  I need SUPPORT right now!!  I’m about to move to a country that doesn’t even have a written form of their constitution!!  Can you freakin’ BACK ME UP for a minute here??  (That’s the sound of me derailing… sorry about the constitution snipe)

At the end of the day (to use a most-excellent English expression), none of it ultimately stopped me from boarding the giant metal tube… I mean plane.  I tried to apply an ‘I’m rubber and you’re glue’ attitude to the whole friend-negativity-eat-my-brain mutiny.  Did it work?  I have no idea, but here I am!  And it’s good… it’s REALLY good…

Oh yeah, about the job hunting – I did look before I arrived, but I didn’t actually land a job until I’d turned up.  I’m sure you’ll find just the thing!  And if you need a shoulder for leaning or an ear for bending, we’re here!

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What Others Are Saying

  1. Christiana May 30, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Oh lordy, ” what about your CAREER” “how can you just leave everything” “What if it doesn’t work out” fricken zombies. I loved this post, the rubber/glue mentality has certainly proved useful in my experience. Thankfully all the nay sayers have come around (or don’t nay-say to my face) and I ignore it peacefully.

    I haven’t regretted my time in England for a hot second. That isn’t to say it hasn’t been difficult, but those trials only served to bring my fiance and I closer together. Besides, I ate beans on toast for breakfast today, and who does that in America? :)

  2. Rachel May 30, 2009 at 4:13 am

    To “I love this Blog” — loopholes? Sounds like you and I are in the same situation (graduate degree roadblocks.) Any loopholes you might know of to help someone in a similar situation?

    To Yankeebean — I just had a funny thought. The title of this post made me think that those negative people are sort of like zombies going for your brain. Yup — I think I’m going to call them immigration zombies from now on!

  3. Cinda May 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm

    ps I forgot…

    “at the end of the day” and have you heard this one…”not being funny” (always said as a pre-cursor to something serious) are I believe uniquely British!

  4. Cinda May 29, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    I am in the same boat, long distance relationship although I fit into the older category, the first comment about the anxiety…I get it. However, many of my friends have said “you only live once.” I have an 11 year old who completely dislikes (putting it nicely) my English beau but I have recently concluded that I deserve some happiness so she will learn to cope, not to mention in a few years she will be off and doing things on her own (I hope). I tend to get more support from women who have traveled abroad and not once have they regretted living in England or somewhere else, even if it was for just a time. So far I made the first trip to see what his life was like and realized then how culturally different we were, it’s more than most Americans would think but there were some things that were the same. My beau has a house here in Florida and he loves it here too…so I want it all and that’s what I am going for, hopefully the details won’t kill the dream.

  5. I Love This Blog! May 29, 2009 at 1:22 am

    :) Thanks for this post. It’s actually a huge relief. I’m nervous but I’m pretty sure it’ll all be worth it. And yep, UK/US just can’t seem to agree on student/recent grad work visas so the doors are practically padlocked, but I’m determined to find and use those blessed little loopholes!

  6. notfromaroundhere May 28, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    I had no idea “at the end of the day” was particularly British until my friend in America asked me where the heck I had picked it up–he hates it! And now I’ve noticed, because I stop myself about half-way through, that I say it many, many times a day!!!

  7. Rachel May 28, 2009 at 12:58 pm

    Thanks for the great column today! I have recently hit hurdle after hurdle in the quest to move to England (changing UK VISA restrictions, etc.) and it has made some friends think “See — these roadblocks mean it wasn’t meant to be.” It is really hard to hear those sentiments whilst jumping hurdles, darnit. Thanks for sharing your story.

  8. Michelloui May 28, 2009 at 8:48 am

    I had the benefit of youth and inexperience when I moved to the UK–I was too ignorant to worry! If I was faced with that sort of decision right now I would be twisted with anxiety about all the reasons why it might not work. Crazy. Sometimes it’s better to jump without looking where you’ll land and just be ready to deal with whatever you se when you get there.

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