British Men– murderers, self-depricating, and not loved by British Women?

Posted on May 17, 2009 by peacefulyorkshire

yahooavatar15Oh, we have tons of posts about British Men. When the mood strikes, we write about our experiences because our British Men are a big part of our lives. We’re dating them, sleeping with them, married to them, bickering with them, getting visas for them…But enough about what we think! What do other ladies think about British Men?

Click here for a blogger who thinks that “British men can be scary” because of  manky murder cases she read about in Britain (well if you only read the murder stories you would be scared, right?). This lady wrote this in jest… I think.  Here is an excerpt:

“British men have been in the news a lot lately, but not for their admirable qualities. In fact, these men are rather jealous and insensitive and, oh, have a habit of murdering their partners. EXHIBIT #1: Colin Scully, a jealous husband, admitted to police that he strangled his wife Tracey to death after she called out “Paul” while they were having sex…”

Then there is Alexandra Hope, a British feminist. She gives us her take on what British women think of their male counterparts– and its not good. She writes that in comparison to her peers, even Americans ‘in their lack of sophistication’ are at least bunny boilers. I am not sure if she wishes British women were bunny boilers too? Does this make her sad? This specific bunny boiler comment makes me feel very patriotic, of course. “Well God Bless America” is what I say to you, my little feminista honey!. Anyway, here is an excerpt of her post:

British men are the way they are is because we, British women, do not love them. Yes, you heard me right – We, British women, do not love Men. In fact, I am not entirely convinced that we ever did. If we cast an idle glance in the mirror of world history and relevant literature, a rather uncomfortably impassionate image stares back. And that image is enough to give the rest of the world a right to label British women as largely frigid.…”

Oh and then there is this Telegraph article that gives the run-down of British men from ladies from all kinds of international ethnic backgrounds. These single ladies from abroad give their viewpoints while they try to get English men to “put a ring on it”. (Pick your favorite opinion!)

“Part of the problem is that the goal of British courtship is not simply to find a life partner. It is also about doing everything possible to avoid what we hate most – making fools of ourselves. No wonder, then, that extravagant compliments, overt flirtation and official ‘dates’ – all considered normal virtually everywhere else – fail to thrive in the land of the stiff upper lip. Terrified of humiliating rejection, British men, it seems, will do almost anything to avoid showing their true feelings until they are certain they will be reciprocated.”

Last there is a Ellie Levison of the Independent who writes that if you really want to get a British man to fancy you then you better be prepared to be a self-annihilator. Yes, wipe out that confident little American charm from your walk, darling! Well, I say yawn to that approach! Oh wait I mean, I mustn’t yawn I am so STUPID to yawn, I can’t believe I am such a fool to yawn! How could a guy want to date me when I want to yawn? (Ridiculous!)

“The study, by the anthropologist Gil Greengross, looked at the seduction techniques of British people, and found that taking the mickey out of yourself makes you more desirable. This is a peculiarly British form of humour, allowing you to both show off your achievements and show a sense of modesty and, found the study, rarely works when used on foreigners, who tend to take what we say at face value.”

And you, lovely reader, what do think? Do you agree with any of these stories based on your experiences?

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What Others Are Saying

  1. Steve Shawcross August 25, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    Yeah, you have to be careful with self-depreciation. It only works here if it’s witty, subtle, sincere and refers to an actual weakness/foible of yours. Otherwise people people will take your seriously, and you would come across as insecure (as others have pointed out).

    The function of British self-depreciation is to exude charm, show you have a sense of humour, you don’t take yourself and you’re not a big-head. Do it with a smile and a wink, and you’ll be alright… I think life is too short for taking one’s self to seriously :D

    Having confidence is one thing, but being perceived to be over-confident is frowned upon here. It’s all down to the concept of British “fairness”, and over-confidence usually comes at the expense of other people (via aggression, grinding other people down to maintain one’s self esteem): Therefore if you’re not treating others as equals, then you’re not being fair. It’s similar to concept of Jante Law in Scandanavia.

    I find the charge of “murderer” a trifle puzzling [chuckle], especially since Britain’s murder rate is much lower than the USA’s. Besides doesn’t murder exist everywhere?

  2. Rachel May 18, 2009 at 9:32 pm

    Just my two cents to throw into the mix. I lived in Scotland for a while, am currently in the US, and am heading to England soon. What I think might be a wonderful invention of the English is the idea of “snogging.” While it is certainly a younger-college-age phenomenon, the idea of making out madly with someone at a bar before going on a first date certainly gets the awkward first kiss right out of the way!

  3. Expat Mum May 18, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    I was about to say you can’t really generalize. My American husband isn’t the most demonstrative and for most of our two year “courtship” I had no idea where it was going.
    I do agree that Brits enjoy some self-deprecation, but you can’t go over the top with it – or you’ll come across, as you found, as insecure. The whole “dating” thing doesn’t really happen in the UK as it does over here. You’re either “going out with someone” or you’re not, and you really don’t just go on a date and expect it to be just one date.
    Very interesting tho’.

  4. Jennifer May 18, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    I just recently met a man from the UK in Vegas of all places as he was part of our group. I fell upon your blogs and find them fascinating. We talk about everyday..heck phone conversations are 2-3 hours and skype makes him feel closer. He is coming here to Austin in July and I am quite excited.

    The thing is this – he is a fabulous communicator and very open with everything including his feelings so I do think this is stereo typical from what I have read – I don’t have a lot of 1st hand knowledge as it was a fluke I met him but the best fluke that has happened to me.

    In my own opinion he is one of the most fantastic men I have ever met and I have been married and divorced and was in another 7 year relationship that was crap. I get more out of this relationship via web/phone then I ever did with any other relationship. So forget stereotypes and go with your heart – right?

    Thanks for blogging!

  5. Michelloui May 17, 2009 at 10:59 pm

    I have married two British men and dated another five more and my experiences with British men show that they prefer a light hearted but confident girl. I tried the self-depreciating role with most people in Britain at first, but found that people started to build an image of me as someone who was insecure. So that had to change. It was a British man, Sting, who sang ‘Be yourself, no matter what they say.’

    I have been flirted with more in the UK than in the States, even before I open my mouth and people know I am American.

    I have dated mostly Alpha Males so that is probably why the guys I date don’t conform to these stereotypes, but I did date one guy very briefly who was incredibly reticent about making any feelings known. It was almost like being with a buddy. Hard work. And he was incredibly ‘stereotypically’ British in every other way as well. Just for the record, I am uncomfortable making these generalisations–there’s exceptions to every rule!

    Having said that, the thing I notice almost across the board with British men is an incredibly difficulty with communication. But this might be a male/female thing everywhere!

  6. yankeebean May 17, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Good lord, this post was SO INTERESTING. It’s nice to hear some of this stuff said out loud…

    Now I can’t decide if I agree with it or not, but I think the ‘self-deprecation’ idea really nailed it. I’ve noticed that if I rip the piss out of myself it makes me feel like I fit in more…

    It’s not true though, it’s more of a knee-jerk reaction. I like myself, really :)

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