My English man and our long distance relationship

Thank goodness for Skype though–it really makes a long-distance relationship feel less long-distance when you can talk to each other and see each other on the webcam on a daily basis. But I love what you said about spending “95% of my time waiting for the other 5% of my time to arrive”–one gets into the mode of living a strange half-life.

Great post – Long distance relationships are so hard. Then throw in a few cultural differences and it gets even more appealing yet more confusing. I also had that constant fear that the next phone call would be him telling me about the great new woman he met – in his own city.

I searched for books about American women and British men (without much luck) – and I wanted something to be able to explain what differences were cultural, what differences were long-distance related issues. I thought without these I couldn’t possibly make an informed decision. Looking back now I think I was looking for a “Best Practice” guide to my relationship. Now, I’m glad I didn’t find it because I’m sure that I made my choices based on what was best for my relationship.

Our blog isn’t that guide either, but like Yankeebean said it is (we hope) a great place for some support – we are here for you. Thanks for this post – I think our readers will find it really helpful.

I just got back from my yorkshire adventure…and now can totally understand some of the things you all blog about. Loved York, thought the Yorkshire dales were beautiful and for the lady in Skipton, was just there as well and Harrogate and numberous other towns in a blink of an eye. Walking, walking, walking or riding buses or trains. Was hell lugging suitcases from London, Gatwick all the way up to Yorkshire, completely get the shipping thing and why…shocking what it costs there. Nothing like Kings Crossing at rush hour (on way back). Really missed getting in my car and just driving to my destinations.

All in all though the brits I met were lovely, accomodating and very sympathetic. Too bad I was sick 80% of the time, long story. Loved the people in the pub. Was introduced as “the american” and even went to a club where I was put on the spot to sing Bohemian rhapsody…would never do that here.

Am torn, love my guy but my daughter didn’t….it was sunny and a little on the warm side while there…doesn’t rain as much as people think.

Understand it was all a “holiday” but still am considering going back to stay longer…

There’s more to my adventure but will leave it at that for now…from what I am reading it is obvious nothing stays the same no matter where you are…good luck ladies on your changes…

This is slightly (okay, very) unrelated to anything you’ve posted recently, but just wanted to ask you ladies.. Is it quite common for British men to use pet names such as “honey,” “dear,” or even “sweetie?”

First off, I absolutely detest pet names, I find them really generic (if there is to be a pet name I like it to have some story behind it). Secondly, as someone who is barely into her twenties, those particular words make me feel like I’m already over the hill and married for decades. Third.. Maybe it’s an American machismo thing but I’ve never heard men in their twenties use it! (I’m incredibly relieved it’s not “babe” or “baby”)

So.. just wondering.. is this considered normal or is my British man just the ultra sensitive type?

Just read this yankeebean – loved it. and i let out a large “hmm” when reading the 95% vs 5%…it is truly what my life has started to become.

Man-oh-man, it’s so nice to hear from people that go through the same stuff… I remember feeling so alone at the time…

And I was 18 when we started the long-distance things, so I was constantly being ripped on by other people and told the ‘it would never work’. Even my Mom said she thought one of us would meet someone else and that we were just putting off the inevitable.

My friends had a BET going, for God’s sake, with some betting it wouldn’t last more than 2 weeks and the longest bet being at about 3 months… sigh…

Come to think of it… I WON that bet! I should collect

I just wanted to say thanks to you all because it’s REALLY FREAKIN’ NICE to know that you’re out there…

[...] 29, 2009 by yankeebean We had a comment from ‘I Love This Blog’ (great name, by the way ) about the pet names that are used in England and what we think about [...]

To yankeebean – Thank YOU for being one to start up this blog. All of you have helped me out so much!! I definitely think everyone that knows me secretly thinks I’m a fool for doing this but hey…what can I say. But you girls most certainly make me think I’m a bit less crazy!

So this is another out-of-the-blue question: I was just wondering how your loved ones reacted to your moving overseas for love? Not that it’s really affecting my decisions, but most, nay-ALL, of my closest friends are 100% against the idea and think I will either have my heart broken or be sorely disappointed.. The only ones who support my decision are the ones who are completely right-brained, completely romantic, and have no grasp of common sense or logic (so, it’s a little disheartening..)

How did you do it? Did you find a job first, or did you just up and move? I’m a little nervous!

Ahhh, the joys of your friends butting in where they don’t belong! I know just what you mean… I feel another blog post coming on, watch this space!

To I Love This Blog – How have my loved ones reacted? …All of them seem to have many many many questions. …and then they’re quiet. I think…no, i KNOW..what they’re thinking, but I think they all respect me enough to not to say it. But besides 2 of my sisters, pretty much everyone I know is very cynical about it and think I’m crazy and think it’s impossibly dream that will not work out. You know what though, I think I’m crazy sometimes too so I guess I can see where they’re coming from. I value loved ones opinion and I keep their opinions in the back of my mind, but I know I have to do what I think is right for me. I think they have made me a little more guarded than I would be if I didnt haven’t their opinions in the back of my head but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing.

I’m not moving there completely….I’m just going for the summer…a 3 month long trip. I’ll be interning over there, which will keep me busy and I’m very excited about.

I leave in a few days! Thank goodness! It seems like its been a loooooongggg time coming. Too long. I’m very much looking forward to just “being” with my Brit..instead of vacationing with him. We’ve only been together on holiday..never just doing the day-to-day life thing. So that is definitely what I am most excited about. Keep your fingers crossed for me please!

[...] 28, 2009 by yankeebean Recently we had another cracking comment from one of my fave readers, ‘I Love This Blog’ (don’t worry ILTB, you’re [...]

Hi,
I am a 23 year old British guy. I spent the summer of 2007 working at a summer camp in Michigan, USA. I spent 3 months there and had the time of my life. While there I met the girl of my dreams. She was a pretty, sweet, kind 19 year old American girl, and I was a 20 year old British guy. Since then, I have spent a Christmas with her in michiagn, and then lived with her and her family for 3 months in the summer of 2008. In 2009, she came to England twice and I just dropped her off at the airport today after spending 2 weeks with me. I feel completely heartbroken. I should be more concerned about finding a job now that i have finished university, but all I can think about is her. People keep telling me it wont work, but we are so in love with eachother I just cant end the relationship. The biggest concern for the both of us is that the only way I can ever live with her in the USA is for us to get married and we are still too young for that. (23 and 21)
Sorry to ramble on, it was just great to find out that me and Anna are not the only people in this situation!!
Many Thanks
Paul

Paul!! My heart goes out to you, God, it all comes flooding back to me. Long distance is really hard – but I’m living proof that it can end really ridiculously well. Good luck with everything, and do keep us posted! We’d love to hear how you’re getting on with everything…

no kidding, its great to see a British guy that agonizes about trans-Atlantic long-distance relationships too!!

keep your chin up man! & completely agree with yankeebeen!
Personally I’m quite disapointed about British blokes because the ones I have met in 3 years have been SO LAZY that they wouldn’t travel 1 hr by car to date a woman!!!! my observation is that it’s quite a trend here. It’s all about the convenience – one of my British mates (28 yo!)wouldn’t even change the job cause it’s a hassle and bit of a distance !!! …..not even talking about dating people from other cities! Very disapointing!

Hi ISabella – I was also struck by the driving distances that British drivers and commuters considered long. An hour to work each way is really common back home – but in Britain it is agonizing. However, have you ever gone to a website like yahoomaps that gives you driving directions? To go 100 miles in the US, you might get 6-10 directions that fit neatly on 1 page – but to go 100 miles in Britain you have to print out about 5 pages of directions because the roads just don’t go as far from point A to B. Also, a 1 hr drive to see a friend could turn into a multi-hour nightmare if you throw in a little traffic. The few British drivers that I knew got terrible road rage and it ruined their day many times. I actually chose not to drive in the UK after realizing this. Don’t completely give up on British blokes yet!

Paul – I too am pleased to see a guy concerned with the same things us gals have been agonizing. But I truly hope it works out for you two. It takes a little creativity, some money, and A LOT of patience – but it can be done. After 7 years my British man and I married and received permanant residence for him to live in the US. Let us know how it goes!

I like this post and the website because it addresses some of the fears and apprehensions of loving and being forced to live apart from your Englishman. I am in the middle of this right now. Not only do we have our physical distance ( I live on the West Coast, USA) and (he lives in the UK) but I am Spanish and he is English. So if you add the distance to the cultural differences it is quite challenging. I am reading this book called “Watching the English” and it is a good read and some good insight into the English and they’re ways. My challenge now is that I am trying to learn how to address the concerns of our relationship in a fair and objective way. But I am struggling. When I read this part: “Long distance came with built in worries, insecurities, loneliness, and jealousy but it was counter-weighted with joy, love, laughter and adventure. I spent 95% of my time waiting for the other 5% of my time to arrive. ” It is so true! You do spend alot of the time worrying. It is so hard to be patient and be apart from him. Right now we are planning for his next holiday here and that is exciting. I think the hardest part of this is the uncertainty and wondering where it will all lead.

Paul! My heart goes out to you! I am a 22 year old girl living on the East Coast and my love is a 20 year old Londoner named Paul, so that hit me in the heart. We met while I was studying abroad and dated for a month and a half before I had to fly home. 2 years later we’re completely in love and still an ocean apart. I’ve visited him and he’s visited me (just spent our first Christmas together – he was a hit with the family!) but it’s really, really tough. And I feel like it’s impossible for either of us to get a visa (neither one of us is ready for marriage either).. He is an electrician and I just graduated from university so I think our best chance is if I go to grad school in London in a year or so (maybe that’s an idea for you?) but even though I love him, the thought of dropping everything and moving to a different country for a boy terrifies me! Isn’t that exactly what you aren’t supposed to do? There’s no doubt in my mind that we love each other but I do worry that things may change once we are in a regular relationship in the same place. We weren’t together for very long before we were across the pond from eachother…

Oh how happy I am to see other people who share my long-distance agony. I am a Canadian who is currently in the UK after meeting my amazing man while travelling through Europe a couple years ago. So now I’m here, and working, but in the back of my mind is always that question of whether I could really give up my family and friends at home for good, and move here permanently. And I know he wonders the same thing. I think for both of us the answer isn’t a NO but a no? We know we’re going to have to eventually come to that compromise, but in who’s favour? I wonder if my life will always be moving back and forth from one country to the other or if we’ll ever “settle” somewhere. I feel like now that the long distance is over, we can’t go back to it, but on the other hand, I miss home and I know he can’t leave right now, so is there any answer to it all? I know what you mean by the ‘all or nothing’ mentality. It’s like the ultimate instant serious relationship!

Love your blog. Glad to see it’s all worked out for the three of you and your British men.

What a wonderful blog! The experience of dating an englishman across the pond is so challenging and it is so refreshing to see that i am not alone. However, i am a bit older than most of you..Just turned 37 last week and my englishman is 39. Of course there is the obsious challenges, the distance, the 7 hour time difference. We try to chat online on the weekends, and email each other when we have time, and an occassional text but life seems to get in the way. We both have demanding jobs and we both are single parents. He has a 9 year old, and i have a 16 year old son. I think at this point in our lives we do know we want in life and in a relationship so we are willing to be patient to see where this goes. I would move to England in a heartbeat but we’ve only been dating 5 months. I moved across states on my own when i was 30 with my son who was 10 with no job and no friends. I am a bit adventurous and I do feel a pull to England. I was there this past summer and again over Thanksgiving and had an amazing time with my englishman. He’s unlike anyone i’ve ever met and that’s why i think it will all be worth it. Thanks for your blog. It’s a relief to know that i am not alone out there.

I have enjoyed reading this site and blog. I am an american woman that loves the UK. I have been there several times. I fell in love with an englishman once and because of the distance he and I sadly parted ways as he was not wanting to work things out. I truly wish one day to find the kind of love I once had. This is a longshot question from me maybe just because of reminiscing but is there a dating site that you could truly meet a nice englishman that would want to date an american woman as I would be willing to try it but am a little unsure how to find a trustworthy one.

I love a wonderful Englishman and am worried that something will happen to him. I live in the US and am afraid that something will happen to him and I won’t know about it. Does anyone else share these kinds of concerns?

[...] had a comment from ‘I Love This Blog’ (great name, by the way ) about the pet names that are used in England and what we think about [...]

Hello,

Was just reading this post and can relate completely to all of the above.I am from England and met a beautiful American Lady via an online game we both played. We just clicked and after some gentle persuasion by Jenn she melted my resolve away in terms of getting into a long distance relationship. I had been single for a long time so I guess I was a tough cookie to crack.

I had all the ‘natural’ fears, insecurities and so forth but we planned for us to be together with me going over to Maine and after reassuring eachother (a lot) things were working out really nice. Hope can certainly put them fears to bed along with a sensitive,reassuring word or two and boy was she sensitive and caring.

I admit our circumstance turned out to be different from those above whereas she ended up being shot (something through her work) and spending a while in hospital. Unfortunately she then passed away on the operating table during her final operation after 3 weeks of her getting better(how ironic and tragic i know). This certainly heightened the insecurities for me but alas I was in love and certainly wasn’t going anywhere.

To sum up we had all the fears of letting each other down (somehow) but we worked it all out,there certainly was the language difference and she used to laugh so much at my ‘strange’ ways and my deadly silences when she typed or said something.We both found it quite funny and not too challenging, to be honest i was quite looking forward to the challenge of coming over to America and learning ‘your’ ways.. I truly believe if 2 people want something so bad it happens, regardless of any obstacles. I guess my typically simplistic, old fashioned English ways I believe most things are achievable.

Just a simple Englishman

Hi Gary

I am so so sorry for your loss… thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope you’ll come back and keep us posted.

I found this blog while searching the web at work today, and it is so wonderful to read about everyone’s experiences! I’m an American girl in love with a wonderful British man that I met when on my first week of studying abroad. We dated for 3 months, then sadly have had to part ways. It’s been one month for the both of us, and between skype and emails we try to keep things going! It’s just so hard, as I’m sure everyone else knows. It really gives me hope though, reading all this about everyone else!

I’m in a long-distance relationship with an Englishman too- the difference with me and the rest of you seems to be that I have never actually met this guy. We’ve been chatting online for about 6 years on and off (we tried briefly to date other people after I couldn’t handle the pressure…was young and poor, hopeless that it would never work), but we keep coming back to each other. I’m getting ready to move to England in January; now that I have my teaching degree moving has become a reality.

I’m always glad to find positive stories to keep my spirits up because it’s absolutely agonizing at times. Thank to everyone for sharing!

It is so great to hear that other people have been in a long distance relationship and that it’s worked out! I’m an American dating and Englishman and it is so incredibly hard and so incredibly worth it at the same time. It’s so good to know others understand what it’s like because all my friends think I’m crazy. We’ve been long distance for a year and a half (together for two and a half) and I have no idea how you survived four years apart! But it is nice to know it can work out! Thank you for sharing your story…it really means so much to me to know that others are going through the same thing and that I’m not insane!

Lea – You’re definitely not insane. Even after 4 years of hard-as-hell long distance, I wouldn’t take a second of it back. We’re rooting for you both!

 Wow – I feel like somebody just wrote about the last year of my life! And here I thought (and so did my lovely, wonderful guy at times!) that I was honestly going nuts. 

We have lived across the pond from each other for the last year plus, but have managed to see each other every two weeks. And so goes my life – it’s a clear pattern… 

I fly over, all glammed up, always a new dress, bubbling with joy, and jump into his arms at the airport. For 1.5 weeks, we are crazy-in-love – kissing, loving, cuddling, randy, drinking, feeding each other, seeing shows, taking walks, dreaming. 

And then, just a few days before I leave, it’s like I unconciously start to pack my heart in ice to protect it from aching for yet another two weeks. And I get quiet, and I withdraw, and my baby begs me to come back to him, but I struggle. And then I get upset the day before I go – ask him why this has to be so hard. And then he just listens and holds me till I settle down and sleep. 

And then I cry and cry and cry – sometimes sob – at the aiport. We wave to each other 20 times before disappearing into the security line. And then I sit on the plane home, sobbing and writing pages-long letters about how much I love him. And I get home, and we rack up $400 phone bills because even though we say we need to do better, we can’t help but text, talk and skype all day and all night. And the cycle begins again.

I’m looking forward to living together, to ending this cycle of madness, and to starting a new chapter. And yes – I agree – it has been incredibly hard at times. But it has been worth it. It has tested us in many ways, and we’ve come out the other side of those tests better for it. We have done much to be together, and that is something that I believe will help sustain us.

Man, this brought back a lot of long-distance memories. I can’t wait for this to be over for you, either!

Married a Brit myself, only he came to America for me. Wonderful blog!

Me too. I love an Englishman. We are working on fiance visa as I type this. Love of my love.

wow
i am really amazed how many of us are in love with Englishmen. My englishman Andrew and I have been together  3 years and we hope to be together again soon. I am in the US right now and this time we have been apart 1 1/2 years. We are in process of the fiancee application.
I miss my englishman.

Hi Bellalisa Congratulations to you and your Englishman.

I accidentally came across this, I’m an Englishman looking for lovely American Lady.

I have friend Andrew Clark working in Australia whose girlfriend’s name is exact as yours Bellalisa.  

Cheers to you both

[...] Evolution of Long Distance Relationships [INFOGRAPHIC]Long Distance Relationship Take a lot of WorkMy English man and our long distance relationship [...]

I am so glad I stumbled across this site. I’m new to this meeting people online thing. I’ve been talking to an Englishman for almost a year now. We haven’t met yet in person but I’ve been pushing him for us to actually meet. We’ve exchanged pics and talk on webcam but that’s it so far. He was here in the states but has gone back to the UK and doesn’t know when he will come back, therefore postponing us actually meeting. I must admit British men are somewhat different from American men. I sometimes get the feeling he’s really not interested but then as soon as I finally make up my mind to give up on the idea of having any kind of relationship he will surprise me with a sweet email or card. It can be very frustrating Thanks for all the advice you have posted on this blog, it’s been very helpful.