Feminist, late twenties, looking for Sisterhood in Britain

I was told “Good Girl” just today and cringed. Another woman knowing rolled her eyes as if to say “I know your pain sista.”

Here’s the main thought that I keep running up against, disappointed that I actually have this argument with myself:

My first impression of British women is that they worried too much about appearance. I thought they wore too much make-up, over accessorised, wore way too much perfume, and repeated too many times “Are you sure I look ok?”

These were the same women that I was never able to get close to. They read Grazia and actually spent real money on designer labels. What woman had so little self respect that she must impress others with her Gucci sunglasses? I was not impressed.

I thought that this behaviour was anti-feminist because I thought they were perpetuating societal expectations of women as beauty objects. But let’s say they do the opposite and deny traditional feminine norms. Actually, that doesn’t make a woman more feminist either. In fact, that makes her less feminist as she is trying to live more like a man. Not the same as an empowered woman.

The same argument works for ladette culture. A female who can drink 12 pints of lager and outlast most of her male peers in a pub does not a feminist make. Instead she becomes more like her male peers. This is an alcohol trend continuing to rise among university age females in the US. But changing behaviour to live more like men is not a feminist idea. It can’t be, right?

I suspect this argument I have with myself will strike many of you as rather old fashioned. It is all about appearance – but that truly was my first impression of British women – appearance was high on the list of priorities.

And then it shocked me that my future British M-I-L got fake nails for her first visit to the US because she thought women in America all were really into perfect appearance. It goes both ways I suppose.

Well isn’t that odd? Coming here, my conclusion was that women are much more concerned about their appearance this side of the pond. I’m among a very small minority of women who haven’t got full make-up on (THICK make-up) and perfect lacquered hair when I’m at the school gate. And teeth of course! Adults in braces to get that perfect smile. They seem very much defined by what their husbands do. But then I meet the stay-at-home variety a lot more than those who are working and therefore not at the school gate so much.

I guess it’s just impossible to generalise. How can you sum up the attitudes of half the population of a nation? Impressions are bound to be limited.

Sorry, I was so angry, I misspoke (sic). I meant ‘nonsense.’

I don’t think feminism is much of an issue in the UK anymore, rightly or wrongly– certainly not like it was in the bra-burning 1970s.

It was in 1979 that all changed, when Margaret Thatcher became PM. This was significant in two ways.

1) Symbolically: That a woman had risen to the most powerful position in the land, despite even herself predicting there wouldn’t be a female PM in her lifetime only a few years before.

2) Thatcherism arguably empowered women, with the economic revolution that occurred in 1980s, and encouraging women to get into boardroom and kick butt– think of power-dressing for instance.

I think many women consider the feminist argument to be won here, and most accept there is equality (at least in theory) and there are the laws to back it up now.