Five ways to meet an American man in American Suburbia

Posted on January 5, 2009 by peacefulyorkshire

yahooavatar15As you might recall, I have been in America these past couple weeks visiting, and let me tell you, lovely readers, my family doesn’t live in a big city. No high-town thrills of thumping clubs, or schmaltzy bars. Nope, when I go home to see the family I am stuck in suburbia– the land of strip malls, soccer moms, Starbucks on every corner and Wal-Mart specials.  As unglamorous as it is, I have been surprised at the ample opportunities I could have had to meet an American man if I wasn’t dating Mr. Chill (and in Suburbia Everytown, USA, nonetheless!) Here is the scoop and some tips to meet an American man the next time you are in Americana Suburbia…

  • 1) As you know when visiting America, there are a lot of great places to meet young-educated-well-respectable men. BUT I have found out that you need more than that– you need to find one that can cook! I was in the overpriced Williams Sonoma in the Every Town Shopping Mall looking at cut-outs for Mince Pies. I managed to see about 6 different eligible men (meaning no wedding ring and not gay) in the queue for free apple cider samples…. well, what more can I say? There was a good chance to meet one– and  all I had to do was get in the apple cider line …score number 1!
  • 2) “Excuse me” I said to the thirty-something Brooks Brothers salesman in pinstripes. “Do you have this cashmere scarf in grey? My brother really would love one of those”.”Oh” he said, “looks like we’re out–are you from around here? I could order you one from another store”. “No”,  I said, “I live in England, but thanks anyway”. What followed was a 15 minute conversation about his love of English beer. I don’t even like beer but hey, it was score number 2!
  • 3) “Now is that a tall Peppermint Schmoliday Holiday low fat Mocha you were wanting?” The Starbucks Barrista with dreadlocks and chocolate eyes inquired.”Oh no” I said, “just the small one.”"Well”, he said, that is the small one but let me just give you the larger one anyway, you have nice eyes. Score number 3!
  • 4) I was in Barnes and Noble Booksellers and I said, “Excuse me” as I reached down to pick up a sultry “Neruda Poetry Collection of Love Sonnets”. A male voice said over my shoulder: “I just love his stuff, too” said the man looking at the same shelf as me.Yeah right, I thought, I could have picked up Winnie the Pooh… but hey, it was another opportunity if I  would have wanted that. Score number 4!
  • 5) Now that you have gotten this far reading, this one is the kicker of all of them!! Walk in a suburban neighborhood to the store/salon/7-11/or heck, just wander. Walk without a dog and without your workout gear on– that will distinguish you from the rest of the Desperate Housewives walking population in suburbia. AGAIN, The trick is walking in your normal street gear (But as you already know, most British woman will look good anyway because your clothes are more stylish than most of America).  Now, walking in your neighborhood in Britain would be a normal thing so it wouldn’t really work there, but here in America it is the most unusual thing to see unless you are a 19 year old Mormon or are a Girlscout selling Thinmints. So there I was one cold morning walking in suburbia past perfectly manicured lawns with huge porches in my Khaki Zara trench, Office boots, Kookai cardi– yeah, you get the idea. I mean, I WAS only was walking to get my hair done at the nearby salon. I was on the way back, with a bounce in my step and sporting my new caramel highlights an important looking Ford F150 from “Duke Energy Company” stops. Down rolls the window to a lovely American man in his work uniform with curly hair and sparkly blues.”Hey” he says, “You ok, you need a lift? Did you break down?”. “No, I say I am ok, just walking…”. “Are you sure?” he says “I can take you anywhere… where do you live?”. I know, I know, you are probably thinking what a creep… but he wasn’t… he was just a good old American boy just trying to be nice– and if there wasn’t Mr. Chill…. I would have had him drive me home 2 minutes down the street NO QUESTIONS ASKED! Score number 5!

Now, who says suburbia is boring and unglamourous again?

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  1. peacefulyorkshire January 8, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    Jerry Seinfeld in season 1 of his show once said something along the lines of “Why do women read articles about how to meet men… hello!?? We are everywhere and WE WANT TO MEET YOU!”
    Its very surprising how if you keep an open mind you could potentially have an “American date” if you really fancied it…

  2. yankeebean January 5, 2009 at 8:45 pm

    This is an awesome post!! You’re batting ‘em away with a stick! I’m sorry to admit, this hasn’t been happening to me here… you must have the look :)

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