How to fall in love with an English man – part 3

We’re going to miss you here in Yorkshire, pacificyorkshirebird!! You’ll have to keep blogging about what it’s like to be back home. The perspective introduced by living in England will make for some seriously interesting stories!

And now Mr. Charismatic will learn what it’s like to leave his country behind. I bet he’ll love it there

Oh what joy it gave me to find another American who has fallen in love with an Englishman. My Brit interest is very new…have only known him since early November. He was in New York with friends..our paths crossed…so did some other things….then he went back to London. I just so happened to have 2 best friends studying in London, so …3 weeks after we first met…I was in London for a week. He didn’t leave my side. *And I’ll spare you the utterly romantic/giddy/butterflies/mind blowing feelings that consumed me that entire week I was there*. Then I left..I cried on the plane. Then..what do you know! I ask him to come for new years to new york..and he came for a week and stayed with me. Then left. I cried the second he left my apartment. Have never felt so close to anyone in my entire life. He is amazing…etc. So…talk about going a little fast. We went from strangers to becoming very close in a short amount of time. Now of course he’s back in London…we skype (thank god for skype) but I am currently am freaking out on a daily basis as to “What the hell am I doing???!!! He lives in London!!!”. Someone…anyone….tell me if I should try to continue..(is it possible to do??) or cut it off to save my heart from being exposed more before it comes crashing down from the separation of the big pond

Dear Dreamer…unrealistic?…do i care?

Funnily enough, Yankeebean and I were talking about your comment last night over wine and Betty’s teacakes… although we have tons of experience about being a foreigner in Britain, we are by all means not experts in love. We were gathered around her living room and were talking about the blog… but we both agreed one thing: If you are going to go for it, go for it with your whole heart and mind. If you’re going to do it, there is no way its going to work unless he is into it too… it can’t be one way!
But, Who are we to tell you to continue a relationship ? Yankeebean and Pacificyorkshirebird made theirs work out… but they will tell you it wasn’t easy and there were lots of tears and airport hellos and goodbyes. But if hes so lovely, then it will be worth the effort.
Let us know how it works out, we are rooting for you!

To Dreamer:

I too met a wonderful British man four years ago while we were both studying abroad in a different country. I’m in college in California and he in London and we saw each other literally one week each year (and by sheer coincidence-vacation plans crossing). I’m a college student struggling to meet sky-high tuition/rent, so flying to see him really was never an option. We kept in touch through Skype, MSN, emailing, even text messaging, everyday. We both tried the dating scene in our respective cities but in the end couldn’t really deny our feelings for each other.

I also went through the “What the hell am I doing” feeling on a regular basis. It’s incredibly painful but I think it’s worth it in the end, if you’re both on the same page, like Pacific said (and everything said by Peaceful/Yankee, for that matter!)

I say just go with it, and see where it takes you! Keep the Skype and the daydreaming and fluttery heart, but make sure you still live your life in New York! If you’re both willing to make the commitment, like the others said, then go full steam ahead, but if you’re scared of the distance then let yourself date other people and see if there is anything else out there. For me, there was nobody else.

I’ve just graduated and am on the lookout for jobs in London, which actually isn’t going so well because of the global recession. We both know that it could still be another year until I make the move, but what’s another year after we’ve already waited 4? I’m trying to keep realistic as my top priority is to find a job and pay back those student loans, but I’m keeping the hope alive that I’ll land one abroad! Absolutely love this blog, by the way.. Love the writing, the stories & especially the love stories!, and I’m really hoping mine turns out as beautiful as yours!

To all – Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments and great advice! Happy to report that all is still going very well…even better than I could imagine. And all of you really did help calm my nerves so thank you. I actually just got back from London. Took a trip over there and stayed with him for a week…with a trip to Paris together in between. Had an amazing time.

I was a bit anxious going over because I felt this time around we were past the beginning stages and had really gotten to know each other (we have done skype/MSN/texting every single day since he last visited). And by the end of the trip, I felt that I was going to need to decide whether this was something I seriously wanted to do or not. Well it didn’t take long for me to decide and by the end all I wanted to do was blurt out the L word and stay for much longer. It’s quite apparent on both sides that if we both lived in the same city there would not be a question….but that’s obviously not the issue.

I guess the main thing that is hard is that… bc it is international long distance it forces us to make an intense decision quickly based on the limited times we have spent together when normally people would have time to casually date for awhile before deciding something like this.

To “I Love This Blog – I feel that you really have gone through exactly what I have and I loved your advice. My ultimate fear is committing to something that is unrealistic and will ultimately take away from my life in NY. I am a very independent person and have a life in the city that I absolutely love. So I am working hard on not letting that slide….although it is very hard to do when I have met someone that actually makes me want to leave the city and move to be with him. That is huge and terrifying for me to realize considering how much I am in love with NY. And I second the incredibly painful feeling of the ‘what the hell am i doing” vs “I feel like this is right”. It is dreadful!!!!

Questions for all -

- How far in did all of you have the “should we really do this whole international thing” talk?

- How did your family/friends first react to it?

I have spent many nights tossing and turning over what to do. I have to admit its a bit exhausting (literally and figuratively). When I get in bed every night, though, this is always the conclusion I have: Yes, this whole thing is crazy and unrealistic, but I feel like it would be even more crazy for me to walk away from this solely because of the unrealistic aspect of it.

That might make me crazy! In fact, I think this has indeed made me crazy….but I’m ok with that for now. So crazy that I’m actually currently looking into taking a few classes this summer at the London College of Fashion while I’m on break from grad school…

I know what you mean, Dreamer! After four spoiled years in sunny, perfect California I’m slightly dreading the infamous dreary London weather (though of course, that is the least of my worries compared to all the questions about the change in culture, and jumping the big puddle of water + the continental US in between us).

For the international thing question, we both decided a few months ago that it really wasn’t feasible having an “official” relationship when we didn’t know if we’d even see each other again within a year. (Am secretly a little jealous you got that heavenly week! Every time I saw him, it was like this torturous taste of what I wanted-like the universe taunting me.) Right now we really are just kind of rolling with the Skype/MSN until I actually find my way over (he just landed a great job so it makes more sense for me to make the move).

Haven’t actually told my family, yet, but my friends know all about it. To be honest, my male friends highly discourage the move, saying it’s very unrealistic and they don’t think it’ll work out and my female friends all gush Cosmo-style and think it’s true love ordained by the Universe. So, I’m having some trouble finding someone in the middle to give me some real advice. Definitely think you should do the summer abroad/London College of Fashion idea; at least once you’re in the same city you’ll really know if he’s what you want!

To Pacific: Africa?? WOW!!

Hi Dreamer!

After reading your comments, the thing that keeps popping into my head was the idea of having regrets. When My English guy and I decided to stay exclusive-long-distance we were 18 years old and it was after 4 months of dating. Looking back, I think we decided to stay together then because that’s what we both wanted at that exact moment – so we followed our instincts. Breaking it off then would have been sensible, but I would have always wondered ‘what if’…

Then, after 4 years of our long-distance relationship, I moved to England because I knew that if I didn’t, I would always wonder what would have happened – and because I was still head-over-heels for my English guy.

Now, looking back, I see how hard it was and how expensive it was, and how much red tape I had to cut my way through – but mostly I see how WORTH IT it was (and is!).

And if something would’ve gone wrong somewhere along the way (which it very seriously nearly did several times) I would’ve been heart-broken, and I would’ve cried like hell for a long time, but I’d like to think I’d look back on it all and see how it helped me to change for the better, too. Does that make sense? I really don’t want this to come across as pretentious, because I know what a difficult decision it is – and how much your head must be battling your heart.

Just choose the paths that will leave you without regrets! And whatever happens we’ll always be here – please keep up posted on how things are going!!

There was nothing pretentious about anything you wrote and thank you very much for your advice. I do know what you mean…instead of “regret”, though, I would say its “fear of being hurt”. I don’t think I am scared of regretting….I have never been the type to regret anything in my life that I do. But like I said before, I have been burned pretty badly in the past so this is a very scary step for me/my heart to take. I guess this has nothing to do with The Brit and has everything to do with the fact that this is the first time I’ve felt like this about someone for a very long time. But like I’ve never regretted anything, I’ve also never held myself back from anything solely because I was afraid. I am a “throw caution to the wind and if it doesnt work just learn from it” type of girl …but for some reason I have been fighting it this time around.

I have decided I need to stop that, though, because despite what has happened to me in the past and the hurt I went through, I can not let that change who I am and what I stand for. I also have never ever felt so strongly about someone and I would most certainly be wondering “what if” if I didn’t do this. I have been talking with the school in London and everything is falling into place perfectly. I think I am going to do this…

pacificyorkshirebird – I was just reading your blog about Valentines Day (I know…a bit late) but I found it rather interesting when your fiance said:

“in Britain, we just don’t do big heart-felt speeches like you Americans do. British people are so reserved and held back that it is an understated event. People keep most of what they feel hidden deep down and then let 10% go free for Valentine’s Day.”

All – Is this how all Brit men are? Just much more reserved about their feelings than most men in general?

…because that would make me feel a bit better about My Brit! He speaks very few words!

So, yes, I am going to be living in London this summer. Final decision!

Now I need your help:

1. Where do I go to look for subletting a place? Craigslist?

2. Im thinking you yorkshire girls are complete EXPERTS on everything to do with visa’s at this point…do I need one if I’m going to be living there taking classes this summer?

3. I want to just book a one way ticket because I dont know exactly what date I’ll be flying back to the US. But every time I go through UK border control they always ask me for my return ticket. Is this going to be a problem if I don’t have one? (p.s. UK border control terrify me! There are so scary!)

I know it has been a while since you posted this story in three pieces, but I have to say Pacifcyorkshirebird, I love it. While you are now off to the US, I am several years behind you making the move to the UK to be with my sweetie, who I think I might nickname Mr. Sweet-tooth as I am inspired by the three of you sassy gals. I just want to let you and the other two lovely ladies know that I’ve really enjoyed reading your posts and look forward to applying your advice as I move to East Anglia in the coming months. Thank you!

Hi Rachel! Would love to hear your story of how you met Mr. Sweet-tooth…..and good luck with the move!

Hi Dreamer – your flight must be getting close? I think possibly you and I will be able to wave to each other in the air as our plans pass each other.

UK weather is fairly unpredictable. Pack things you can layer, an umbrella, and some good rain shoes (wellies if you plan to go to any music festivals!). I’ve known it to get into the 80′s but it is a faily humid heat so it feels hotter than that. Also, AC is not all that common in flats. That said, I have never lived in London.

If you get a chance to go north, visit the Yorkshire Dales and the Lake District, both stunning!

I hope you have a FANTASTIC time in the UK. Make the most of it!

Hi Dreamer, you could take the train to both places, but you would likely want at least one overnight in both. It will take you several hours to travel each way. There are also really beautiful places closer to London that could just be day trips. Have fun!

Yankeebean – this is much later but the post you wrote on March 18, 2009 really struck a chord with me. Over 2 years since starting this whole thing, my Englishman and I have both had our moments of is this whole thing worth it? What if in 2 years we break up – we’d have wasted thousands of dollars on flights, endless hours on skype and a lot of heartache, but neither of us can go an entire day without hearing from the other. And I said in a post on another article on this site (I found it tonight and now I’m just reading everything!) that I will be the one to make a move in a year or so after saving enough money to grad school in London and I’m terrified, but I know if Paul and I never had the chance to live in the same city for a year, we would ALWAYS wonder what if… I would much rather try and wind up with a broken heart than the rest of my life wondering what if. Dreamer – I hope you had an amazing time in London, I miss it every day since I studied there!